Well, it’s February and I feel like I already lost out on one of my goals for the year. I had planned to run a race every month this year, and today was supposed to be our local hot cocoa run. I had signed up over a month ago and fully planned on going, but two days ago I decided that I would switch it to the virtual option. I’m still trying to let my knee heal and I thought it would be better for me if I didn’t have the added pressure of trying to run more than my body told me I should just because of the environment. It’s been discouraging to go to the races and know I just can’t run all of it. I end up feeling great when I finish, but a mile into the race when I start walking, it feels crushing.

Virtual racing is just not the same, but it was nice for the fact that there is no pressure, I can decide when and where I go, and I brought my dog along with me. We just got another round of snow and ice the day before yesterday, so the park I went to looked like a winter wonderland. My dog was so excited to be out on a walk (not something we do daily in the winter) that he pulled me the entire time, so he really got my pace up there.

In other news, I’m almost done with this round of physical therapy for my runner’s knee, and I have a follow-up appointment with the sports medicine doctor in a week and a half. I’ve been working really hard at strengthening my whole right leg, which is very weak compared to my left. I’ve made some noticeable gains in strength, but it still feels like I have a long way to go. I still can’t do a single leg squat on it without something feeling like it’s slipping out of place and collapsing on me. Putting any kind of load through my bent knee without support from the other leg is a failure still. I don’t know what to expect at this doctor’s appointment. I don’t know if I’m ready to be done with PT, but I also know that I can’t keep going there forever. The problem is, that some of the most beneficial things I do there use equipment I just don’t have access to without it. I’ll have to ask about how to transition to a home program this coming week if my PT and my doctor decide it isn’t worthwhile to continue.

I had my yearly check-in with my regular doctor this week. Thankfully, other than just needing to lose some weight, there’s no major issues. All my bloodwork is normal. My blood pressure has been high in the office the last few times, so my doctor asked me to monitor it at home for a few weeks and send him the results. So far, I’ve only had one high reading and the rest have been normal, so hopefully it’s just an anxiety thing. I never feel like I’m nervous in a medical setting, but maybe my body says otherwise. I really value the time my doctor takes to talk to me about everything without lecturing me. I feel like I can have an open and honest conversation and not like I have to hide anything. We talked about trying a program like Noom or Wondr to help me change some behaviors, and I think I’m going to try one of them.

Lastly, I’ve been feeling a lot of stress lately from work. For a month now, everything I do seems to garner criticism. I don’t even want to get out of bed most days because I know I’ll be facing more of the same. I pretty much know I can’t keep dealing with it, but it’s not like I can do anything about it other than trying to stand up for myself while I try to find something else. I’ve been going to church regularly since August, and it’s really helped me practice patience. I know that it likely isn’t about me as the root cause, because I haven’t done anything different than how I used to, so I try to keep things professional and not say some of the things I really want to say. For now, I just focus on prayer and trying to endure whatever I need to endure, because I know it won’t last forever.

I’ll give you guys another update in a few weeks after I know where I stand with my running and injury rehab. Thanks for taking the time to read this 🙂