Tag: overweight

Fat Shaming During Workouts

On By LeraIn Life1 Comment

Well, it happened again. Someone yelled something rude at me out of their car window while I was working out tonight. It doesn’t happen to me often (maybe two to three times a year), but the fact that it happens at all means it’s too much. I just don’t understand what motivates people to tear down others when they’re trying to better themselves. I know it says a lot more about the person who feels the need to yell insults than it does about myself, but it still sucks.

As a girl who has been overweight for a while, I’ve always felt invisible, especially when it comes to men. I’m used to no one looking twice at me. However, every single time someone has felt the need to yell insults at me while working out, it’s ALWAYS been men. I do my best to stop thinking about it as quickly as I can, but it just really bothered me this time.

I really don’t have anything else to say about it, but maybe I’ll go back to using headphones again for a while just so if it does happen again in the short term, I won’t even notice it.

November 2023 Life

On By LeraIn Life, running, weight lossLeave a comment

Hey guys! It’s been about a month since I’ve updated you, so here it is! I’ve been steadily working on losing weight. It’s slowed down to one pound a week. It’s frustratingly slow, but I realize that means I have a higher chance of success in keeping it off. I could always eat less to increase my deficit, but with working out, I need to make sure I’m getting enough nutrition, especially while trying to heal an injury. I am finally starting to fit into regular sized clothes, so I’m looking forward to having more options available for that. It was definitely the ego boost that I needed right now. Still, though, in the last 9 months, I’ve lost 48 pounds, which I’m thrilled with.

As far as my leg goes, I still don’t know what’s wrong with it. I feel like physical therapy was a waste of time for the most part. I think I would have been better off waiting for the clinic that was booking a month out because I think I would have had better treatment. I only did 5 sessions, which were once a week, all under 30 minutes, and all I did was the same exercises I was working on at home. The IT band area does feel better, so in that regard it wasn’t a waste, but I still have a lot of pain after a run a little lower down and around the back, pain so bad with kneeling that I can’t do that anymore, and there’s a lump there, so that’s going to need to be addressed when I follow up with my doctor in a few weeks.


All that said, my PT did tell me I could run short distances and try to build up from there. I had too much pain trying to run one mile straight through, but I split that up into walk/run intervals of 0.1 mile walk, 0.2 mile run until I hit 2 miles, and while I was sore the day after, it was less than running all the way through a mile. I ended up signing up for a Thanksgiving Day 5k, which I have wanted to do every year since I started running and have always ended up injured, but I simply don’t care this year and am going to go and do it anyway, even if I have to walk.

September Setbacks

On By LeraIn Life, running, weight lossLeave a comment

I feel like the title is a misnomer, because August is actually the month where things started holding me back. I ended up hurting myself about halfway through August and I’m still not better. I went for a rainy day run and felt great during, to the point where I intentionally got a new PR, but later that night it all went downhill. The worst part is that I don’t even know what the issue is. My doctor thinks maybe my IT band because it hurts on the side of my knee when I run, but I can walk or bike without that same pain. I also get achy behind my knee, and when I bend it all the way, it feels like there’s a painful lump or something that’s preventing it from bending to its max. So basically, I am the master of injuries. My doctor told me to try to self treat a little longer, but I think it’s going to end up being something I need PT for. I thought it was doing better last weekend and I did 5 very short run intervals in the middle of a 3.5 mile walk, and those didn’t hurt at the time, but a couple hours later, the pain was awful and has been present in varying degrees since.

So, while I can’t run, I have been walking and biking. I still need to get some sort of movement to help with my weight loss. I’m up to 43 pounds lost this year, so at least that’s something going in the right direction.

My biggest source of sadness right now is being stuck walking my 5k on October 1st when it should have been a PR race for me by a solid five minutes. Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded walking it, but I just found out that I’ll be doing it by myself. None of my friends want to do this one this year. This is the first race I’ve run in 3 years where I won’t even know one person. I guess it was bound to happen, but I’m still feeling really down. If I was able to get a refund, I don’t think I’d bother going because it’s just going to feel like a shell of the experience I’m used to.

Anyway, that’s life right now. I’ll let you guys know how the race goes. Maybe I’ll get lucky and I can try to run a little. I know it looks like I’m probably not going to be doing the Thanksgiving Day 5k this year, which stinks, but if by some chance I heal quickly, I’ll sign up.

5 Month Weight Progress

On By LeraIn Life, weight lossLeave a comment

Good evening, readers! I just had my second progress check for my weight loss with my doctor, and he was pleased with where things are. I’ve lost 32 pounds in the last five months! The first two and a half months I made way more progress than this second two and a half months (24 lbs vs 8 lbs), but he told me that usually by this point he’s seen patients gain weight back, and not to be too worried about slower progress because it naturally comes off faster at the beginning. That said, he gave me some advice to try, which was to set five pound goals at a time rather than just focusing on how far I still have to go. He told me that any time I do a workout, I should focus on my next small goal number and keep that at the front of my mind while I’m pushing myself.

He asked me what my diet was like, and I told him I was doing well eating clean 80% of the time, but that I’m sure if I cleaned it up more, I might see more progress. I was a lot more strict with myself in the first two months than I have been lately, so it makes sense. I’ve been more aware of not giving in to temptation lately, even bypassing a new limited time flavor iced cappuccino from one of my favorite cafes.

So yeah, going to be checking back in with my doctor in eight weeks, and hopefully I can manage to eat clean 95%+ of the time and see some faster progress. It’s really motivating to have an appointment scheduled because I know I can’t just slack off until my yearly appointment next winter, which is exactly what happened last year. I’m so grateful to have such excellent support from him. He even told me he was proud of my progress. In my daily life, I’m surrounded by people who tell me to treat myself to some good food or drink, so it’s nice to have someone to talk to about how hard it is to avoid that mentality all the time. The fun foods will always be there in the future, so I feel like I don’t want to jeopardize my progress with that kind of stuff on a daily basis.

One final note is that I signed up for Wondr, which is a weight loss program my job lets me access for free. It’s focused on making little lifestyle changes that add up over time, so I think getting a different perspective through that will help. My doctor has personally used it and really had a lot of good things to say about it when I brought I up, so I’m hoping it will be a great resource.

Attempting to Lose Half of Me

On By LeraIn Life, weight lossLeave a comment

So here goes. This is going to be an introduction to my weight loss journey. As much as I hate that phrase, I don’t know what else to call it. It’s one I’ve been on before, and one I started years ago before just not caring anymore. Well, I’m calling this my finale, because I want to finally be done with it for good after this time.

Ten years ago, I had done pretty well at losing weight. I dropped 73 pounds out of the 150 I needed to lose over the course of about ten months. I hit a plateau and struggled with a depression I had never felt before, and subsequently gained it all back that next year. I didn’t attempt to try again until a few years later, and then managed to lose 53 pounds. My weight pretty much hung out there for a few years. I didn’t lose any more weight, but I didn’t gain any of it back. Last year, I wanted to finally finish what I had started, so I tried Noom. I did well at the beginning. Eight weeks in, I had lost 19 pounds and I thought that was finally going to be the key I was looking for. However, I lost control. I was struggling with feeling trapped in a job I hated and working hours that made it hard to see other people. I gained those 19 pounds back, plus ten more over the course of last year.

When February came around this year and it was time for me to check in with my primary care doctor (Dr. S), I knew I had to do something. I had reached my low point in December when I binge ate the night before my 5k and made myself physically sick. I was up vomiting all night long after eating chips and a whole bag of M&Ms. When I went in to my appointment, I was embarrassed I hadn’t made any progress the past year. When Dr. S asked me if there was anything I wanted to focus on during the appointment, tears immediately came to my eyes and I told him I wanted him to help me with a weight loss plan because I failed last year. He was so supportive of me asking him. He discussed his own struggles and gave me some options to choose from. Despite the fact that I am active with running and cycling, I wasn’t losing weight. He discussed medically managed weight loss (basically an ultra low calorie diet consisting of only 800 calories a day and weekly weigh ins), medications, or surgery. During the appointment, I had no idea what I wanted to do, so I asked if I could think it over and let him know.

I knew 100% that I didn’t want surgery, even though he said it was the most effective in the long term. It just seemed like so many people struggled with proper nutrition after having surgery that it didn’t seem like something I wanted to risk dealing with for the next 50 years of my life. I looked into medically managed weight loss, and it didn’t seem like it was a good fit for me being so active, and making time for an appointment once a week would be a hassle. In the end, I asked him more about medications and which one he recommended, and in the end, I decided to see if I could get my insurance to approve it. None of the medications are a magic fix, but they work in conjunction with lifestyle changes to make progress faster.

Of course, it wasn’t going to be that easy. My insurance requires multiple months worth of progress notes from my doctor and the name and date of a weight loss plan before approving it. He warned me that it wasn’t likely to be approved right away, so I wasn’t surprised. Right now, he’s having me work on a lower calorie plan (1200-1400 per day) and increasing my workouts. I’m also going into the office to weigh in and talk with him about my progress roughly every two months for accountability. Seeing the diagnosis for ‘severe obesity’ on that medication denial letter was another low point for me, but it gave me even more determination to get it right this time.

I just had my first progress check two weeks ago and I lost 21.6 pounds in the first 2 months. He was really surprised that I had lost so much and said if I was able to keep that pace, I wouldn’t even need medication. Having an official “goal date” to work toward really was helpful. It made things easier to manage looking at just the next two months, rather than waiting a whole year to go back and it makes it hard to procrastinate. It also was motivating due to the fact that if I hadn’t made progress, I would have been embarrassed and ashamed for wasting his time, but I’m sure he would have talked with me about different strategies to try if I hadn’t done well.

Before I left my appointment last week, he asked me if I wanted to try to get a different medication approved, keep checking in with him to to have the progress notes for the original medication he suggested, or if I wanted to do things on my own and just see him next year. He told me, “I’m here to support you, whatever you decide.” In the end, I decided to make another appointment for a weigh-in and progress check because I found it so motivating.

I’m so fortunate to have a doctor who genuinely cares and offers support however he can. I’ve never had a doctor that talks to me like a partner in my care before I met him 4 years ago. It’s also easy to talk to him about my weight because he’s been through losing a lot of weight himself, so he knows how it is. I don’t feel embarrassed or judged. After all the time he’s going to be taking for me this year, I don’t want to let him down.

More importantly, I’m tired of letting myself down. I want to have the kind of life where I finally feel comfortable in my skin. Right now I am 71.5 pounds down from my heaviest weight, and I have 81.5 to go to get to the very top end of a healthy weight range. I want this to finally be the time I do it.

In the coming weeks/months, I’ll share what’s working for me, what’s still hard for me, and just every day life in between.

May Flowers

On By LeraIn Cycling, Life, runningLeave a comment

Okay, so this really has nothing to do with actual flowers (although I did enjoy my tree’s cherry blossoms this year!), but I get bored titling everything with the month and the word ‘update’. I’m going to touch on my injury progress later, but I want to start with work first.

I started my new job a week ago, and I think it’s going to be soooo good for me. I love having a set schedule. It’s nice knowing that unless it’s my turn for a late day (which is shared and usually only an extra hour and a half max), I’ll be gone at a certain time. I’ve made plans to do a workout at a wooded metro park once a week, a run Saturday morning at a different park, and there are weekly glow rolls Saturday nights all summer long I want to make it out to once in a while. I love having a schedule that lets me plan events and have evenings and weekends off to see people much more easily. I’m already feeling a lot less lonely.

Next, my knee. It’s not 100%, but it feels so much better now that I’m not on my feet all day long without a break. The pain is minimal, but I do still have trouble with running. I’ve only been doing three sets of 5 minute run/ 2 minute walk when I go out, but I do get some pain at the beginning of my runs. At this point, it’s more the patellar tendon that’s giving me trouble, and a little bit is coming from my hamstrings on the same side. The sports medicine doctor I was seeing said I didn’t need to come back unless the pain got bad enough to want an injection, or unless my knee is swollen for two or more days despite rest. He said to just work on continuing to strengthen it and to try to be less fat (not how he said it, but that’s what it comes down to). He said there isn’t anything I can do with my knock knees, so I have that working against me forever, but strengthening should at least help downplay it a little. I still lack so much strength in my right leg that it feels like a never-ending battle. I still can’t do a single leg calf raise or single leg squat, which means I still can’t jump rope. However, I haven’t had very much trouble with biking unless I overdo it, so if I keep it reasonable, I have little pain afterward. Honestly, my biggest issue is stiffness, and I think a lot of that has to do with sitting all day at work now, so I need to start stretching more. I did find out Friday that the desks all convert to standing desks, so I’ll be going back and forth standing and sitting throughout the day.

Lastly, I’ve been having some shoulder troubles. I think it’s leftover from my last job, so I’m hoping it will eventually go away, but it’s been lingering for a good 6-8 weeks now, so I’m going to ask my physical therapist if he’ll look at it for me and at least give me an idea of what it is so I can try to work on it on my own until I can get in to see my doctor. I don’t think it’s major because it’s just sore enough doing certain things to be annoying, but given that I’m not stressing it at work anymore, it should start to go away soon. Fingers crossed.

I’ll do another update in a few weeks in regards to work, but I might post something else in the meantime if something is worthwhile so these don’t always end up so long.

April News!

On By LeraIn Life, runningLeave a comment

This post is going to start with some good news! I found a new job that I will be starting in the coming weeks! I’m so excited to make the transition to something new after nearly 8 years doing the same thing. I’m tired of management, I’m tired of the irregular hours, I’m tired of working nearly every weekend and holiday, as well as nights. I’m tired of people yelling at me for things beyond my control every day. It’s just time to move on and see what the next adventure is.

I’ll now be coordinating care for patients in a cardiology office, which sounds simple to say it that way, but hearing the way it was described at my interview makes it seem somewhat overwhelming. However, I’m up for the task of learning how to be great at this new path. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting that office to call me. I had put my application in two and a half weeks before they called to schedule my interview, so I pretty much assumed I wasn’t going to hear anything. I was happily surprised when they called me and asked if I was free the next day. I was really nervous, because I don’t do well at interviews. I never feel like I answer any questions very clearly, but this one went okay. Not excellent, but not badly. We got to talking and they offered me the job before I even left. They said if I was willing to work hard and learn the ropes, they would put the time in to training me. I had interviewed off and on for similar positions for the past year with other offices and hadn’t had any luck, so I’m truly blessed to have found this.

That’s the biggest thing that’s been going on this month. I did finally do my first run in two months this past Friday, and it went relatively well. I think I would have been better off running on the road, but a trail run just sounded so nice. The uneven ground has often been a problem for me, though. It got my ankle a little sore, which I think affected my knee some. I didn’t have too much pain, though, just mild. However, later on at work, I noticed when I was squatting that my kneecap felt like it was sliding more than it had been the last month. I’m continuing to strengthen my muscles, as that is my biggest limiting factor in things getting better. I just can’t seem to get my hips/glutes to engage with my physical therapy exercises, and at least two thirds of the things I do there are designed to target those areas. I asked my PT if he had any other tips to try, and he told me that “as crazy as it sounds, focus your brain power on just the muscles you are trying to get to move and it can make a difference.” I see where he’s coming from; being mindful of really noticing how your body is moving during an exercise should be helpful. I see my sports medicine doctor in a couple of days for a follow-up, but I don’t think he’s going to have anything to say other than just keep working on strength. The pain isn’t much of a problem except when I put too much weight through my right leg, and that’s something that would tend to improve with strength. I’ll still ask him if he has any thoughts on getting my muscles to work better, so we’ll see.

That’s all for today. I do want to give an update on my progress with Noom, but I haven’t been doing well at following the program the last two weeks. Once this last week of work is done and I get a good routine going having the same shift Monday through Friday, it will go better. It’s hard to plan when you never know what you’re doing until one or two days before the new week begins. I think once I get back on track, I’ll have more to say about it. I still have a loss of ten pounds, so I’m happy I didn’t gain anything the last two weeks.

So, until next time, take care!

Noom, Church, and Never-ending PT

On By LeraIn Cycling, Life, runningLeave a comment

Looks like I managed to squeeze a post in before April hit somehow! It’s been a pretty busy six weeks for me. Working unpredictable hours from week to week and never having the same days off just makes time seem unreal sometimes. I have been fortunate enough the past two months to have Sunday mornings free for church, which I’ve been enjoying. I mentioned it a little last time, but I’ve been attending regularly since August last year, after spending my whole life after the age of ten or eleven away from church. I started just watching online to check things out, and started going in person Christmas Eve. My church does adult and older child baptism (it’s a modern, nondenominational church). Basically, they want it to be a conscious decision, so even though I was baptized as a baby, I just felt called to publicly declare my faith. It was an amazing moment that I will cherish forever. Last month, I did a four week course that talked about figuring out your spiritual gifts, personality, and how to put them into practice. I started volunteering as a greeter a few weeks ago and have been enjoying it. Eventually I might branch out into a different area, but until I can make a 100% commitment without work potentially getting in the way, it makes it difficult. I know they really need help with the kids area because they’ve had to turn some families away to keep the child-adult ratio safe, so that may be a fun next step in the future.

Next in my crazy month, I ended up starting Noom, and have lost ten pounds on it so far! I lost sixty pounds a couple of years ago and kept it off, but have no real reason for not ever finishing what I started other than just not putting effort into it. I suppose I have my doctor to thank for getting me started again. He didn’t push, but he said he himself has been trying a different program called Wondr, and said the psychological aspect has been interesting. He told me he lost a lot of weight in the past, so he had some insights to share. I ended up emailing him after I signed up when I saw what my daily calorie goal was and asked if it was appropriate—1320 calories is not a lot to work with each day, but being active earns you extra. However, they only give you back half the calories you burn. It’s enough for an extra snack if I need it, so it’s been working okay. I made no progress last week since I had all the bad Costco food (love those almond danishes, and my family shares some with me when they go), so I need to get back on track. I’m working through week 5 right now, and looking to lose 70 pounds by the end of October. Honestly, I’ve found that if I plan properly, I really don’t get hungry on that low amount. I’ve been sneaking extra veggies into things I never thought I would, like putting frozen cauliflower into my fruit and yogurt smoothies. I can’t taste it at all, and it gives the smoothies a really nice texture while filling me up with almost no extra calories. I’ve also gotten back on track with my overnight oats. I was eating cereal a lot last month and just feel better starting my day with oatmeal instead. Lunches have been mostly salads with chicken added to them. I buy the premade salad kits, which are more expensive, but I think it’s worth it to just dump it into a bowl or lunchbox container and head out the door, plus you can constantly change the taste without trying to use everything up before it goes bad. My only prep work is defrosting an individually portioned amount of already cooked chicken from the freezer. For dinner, I let myself decide from day to day what I want. It’s not set in advance like lunch or breakfast, so I make sure to measure out proper portions. I managed not to eat all of the mac and cheese last week at once and saved some for the next day, so just making small changes like the above are good ways to start. I love snacking on fruit, especially raspberries, and have found it’s the perfect snack to keep me going between meals. After a workout if I’m extra hungry, I’ll have a protein shake with my fruit, but I don’t do it every time. If I spend on hour or more on a workout, then I’ll reach for one, but otherwise just some milk and a banana is my go-to after a bike ride. I’ll talk more in detail about Noom when I get a little farther along in the program.

Last, and I’ll keep it short because this is already long, but I’m STILL doing physical therapy for my runner’s knee. My doctor really wanted me to keep working at strengthening my knee to make sure this whole saga is less likely to happen in the future. He said even just one session a week would be beneficial so I could get some guidance and work on things I can’t do at home, so I’m thankful my PT isn’t sick of dealing with me yet. We started doing something called blood flow restriction training, and it’s so exhausting! It really is amazing how much more tiring it is to perform the same exercises with blood flow somewhat cut off. It’s supposed to help grow muscle by letting me do less weight and higher repetitions while keeping me from having so much pain. I am slowly getting stronger, but I still don’t have that single leg squat, and I still can’t jump rope. I also haven’t ran in about six weeks. The pain is so much better, so hopefully some strength will come a little faster now that I can do a little more. I’ve been biking twice a week for longer durations—45-90 minutes, and it’s been going pretty well. I do tend to overdo it some days out of sheer stubbornness, but I’m getting better at recognizing when I should stop.

As always, I will try to at least get you guys one update next month, but I think it’s clear I’m not great at doing this on a regular basis. Take it easy!

February Failure?

On By LeraIn Life, runningLeave a comment

Well, it’s February and I feel like I already lost out on one of my goals for the year. I had planned to run a race every month this year, and today was supposed to be our local hot cocoa run. I had signed up over a month ago and fully planned on going, but two days ago I decided that I would switch it to the virtual option. I’m still trying to let my knee heal and I thought it would be better for me if I didn’t have the added pressure of trying to run more than my body told me I should just because of the environment. It’s been discouraging to go to the races and know I just can’t run all of it. I end up feeling great when I finish, but a mile into the race when I start walking, it feels crushing.

Virtual racing is just not the same, but it was nice for the fact that there is no pressure, I can decide when and where I go, and I brought my dog along with me. We just got another round of snow and ice the day before yesterday, so the park I went to looked like a winter wonderland. My dog was so excited to be out on a walk (not something we do daily in the winter) that he pulled me the entire time, so he really got my pace up there.

In other news, I’m almost done with this round of physical therapy for my runner’s knee, and I have a follow-up appointment with the sports medicine doctor in a week and a half. I’ve been working really hard at strengthening my whole right leg, which is very weak compared to my left. I’ve made some noticeable gains in strength, but it still feels like I have a long way to go. I still can’t do a single leg squat on it without something feeling like it’s slipping out of place and collapsing on me. Putting any kind of load through my bent knee without support from the other leg is a failure still. I don’t know what to expect at this doctor’s appointment. I don’t know if I’m ready to be done with PT, but I also know that I can’t keep going there forever. The problem is, that some of the most beneficial things I do there use equipment I just don’t have access to without it. I’ll have to ask about how to transition to a home program this coming week if my PT and my doctor decide it isn’t worthwhile to continue.

I had my yearly check-in with my regular doctor this week. Thankfully, other than just needing to lose some weight, there’s no major issues. All my bloodwork is normal. My blood pressure has been high in the office the last few times, so my doctor asked me to monitor it at home for a few weeks and send him the results. So far, I’ve only had one high reading and the rest have been normal, so hopefully it’s just an anxiety thing. I never feel like I’m nervous in a medical setting, but maybe my body says otherwise. I really value the time my doctor takes to talk to me about everything without lecturing me. I feel like I can have an open and honest conversation and not like I have to hide anything. We talked about trying a program like Noom or Wondr to help me change some behaviors, and I think I’m going to try one of them.

Lastly, I’ve been feeling a lot of stress lately from work. For a month now, everything I do seems to garner criticism. I don’t even want to get out of bed most days because I know I’ll be facing more of the same. I pretty much know I can’t keep dealing with it, but it’s not like I can do anything about it other than trying to stand up for myself while I try to find something else. I’ve been going to church regularly since August, and it’s really helped me practice patience. I know that it likely isn’t about me as the root cause, because I haven’t done anything different than how I used to, so I try to keep things professional and not say some of the things I really want to say. For now, I just focus on prayer and trying to endure whatever I need to endure, because I know it won’t last forever.

I’ll give you guys another update in a few weeks after I know where I stand with my running and injury rehab. Thanks for taking the time to read this 🙂

Observations of an Overweight Runner

On By LeraIn Life, runningLeave a comment

Running is one of those things that people either love or hate. There seems to be no middle ground (like pineapple on pizza, to which the proper answer is love). I was firmly in the ‘hate it’ category until a little over a year and a half ago. I wanted to take some time to share some observations and experiences I’ve had since becoming a runner, and hopefully encourage those of you who are thinking about running, but aren’t quite sure you want to yet, to give it a try. Running is hard, and it’s really hard if you are carrying a lot of extra weight. I’m looking to lose 72 more pounds, after having already lost 66. Sometimes I feel like I’ll never get there. I had always thought running was impossible for me. However, it is absolutely possible to be successful at running if you want it badly enough.

Who Wants to Run Anyway?

I started out losing weight by biking, which I absolutely adore. Back then, I never saw myself as someone who wanted to be a runner. NEVER. I had loathed it since being forced to run track laps in high school gym class, and that made me never want to run again. So, what changed? A couple of years ago, I had Achilles tendon surgery and started working with a physical therapist who made one of my recovery goals running 20 minutes pain free. My PT helped me choose a plan to follow, and while I hated it at first, a few weeks passed and I started looking forward to running. He eventually inspired me to try running a 5k after telling me about his experiences. It was something I had always thought sounded impossible, but it was a good goal for me to work toward. I followed the None to Run plan to get started running, which starts with very short run intervals in between longer walk intervals and builds you up to full out running for 25 minutes over the course of 12 weeks. This was a great way to start, and it really helped ease me in. It was hard for me to run 30 seconds when I first started, but consistency leads to progress, and before I knew it, I was running longer than I ever had in my entire life.

The First Step Truly is the Hardest— But it Gets Easier

The hardest thing about beginning running was taking that first step. It can feel like a huge barrier to cross. I was intimidated to be seen out in public running when I first started. I felt like the whole world was staring at me and judging me while I lugged my body down the street 3 days a week. It was really uncomfortable for me in those early days. I started out running very early in the morning or after dark in the evening to minimize how many people might see me. I was so afraid of someone saying something rude to me or making fun of me because I couldn’t run 30 seconds without feeling out of breath. It took many months to feel comfortable running and not worrying about what someone might think or say. It turns out all that worry was for nothing, though. I’ve encountered so many supportive people in the community on my runs. On many occasions, I’ve had strangers drive by me while I’m running down the street or pass me at the park and tell me I’m doing great or to keep up the hard work. Hearing those words of encouragement really lifts my spirits, especially on a day where I’m struggling.

Support Goes a Long Way

I absolutely don’t mind running alone, but running with other people is amazing. I started running the None to Run plan with one of my closest friends, and we met once a week or so until she moved out of the area. It was awesome sharing our triumphs, and having each other to lean on when we struggled. After she moved, I had no other running friends. I was told about a local running group by my awesome doctor, and I eventually worked up the courage to join. It was a game changer for me. I felt really out of place and slightly embarrassed that first day walking into the park because everyone looked so fit and I clearly wasn’t, but they welcomed me with open arms. I immediately had a built-in support system of people I could ask for advice and celebrate new milestones with. I never would have met any of my running friends otherwise. Even if a running group isn’t for you, I highly suggest a running buddy. It’s nice to have someone who understands what it’s like.

Judgement From Those Who Should be Helping

The hardest part of being an overweight runner is the judgement from the medical community. Most doctors I’ve worked with have been great, but there are always some that I know don’t believe me when I say I’m active 5-6 days a week. Last year, I saw a specialist for an injury that was still bothering me several months after it started, and even though I explained that it was from running, he told me I needed to join a gym, lose weight, and the pain would get better if I worked hard enough at it. I restated that I was a runner and cyclist, and the only thing he had to say to that was that he was glad to hear it because it would help me lose weight. It was at that point that I started to cry, right there in the office. It was embarrassing, but I couldn’t help it. His assumption that I was lazy and didn’t try to better my health despite having stated otherwise was hurtful. That’s not the only example I have, but I think it’s enough to illustrate my point. Now, I’m not saying suggesting weight loss isn’t an answer in the long term, but for an acute injury, I deserve the same treatment for it that someone who isn’t overweight would get. It’s really discouraging when some of the people you turn to for help treat you like you aren’t telling the truth because they think you can’t possibly be active at a larger size. Weight loss isn’t something that happens overnight. It takes time and consistency, and it’s extremely difficult to keep on track if you’re struggling with injuries that are limiting what you can do.

Clothes Do Not Make You, but Do Help the Confidence

Turning to something not quite so serious, the struggle to find good workout clothes in extended sizes is real. They exist, of course, but I’m talking about clothes that aren’t black or another dark color that are also affordable. A lot of stores don’t even carry extended sizes in their building, or carry only a handful and relegate the rest to online only. Hopefully this will change someday. Clothes obviously aren’t the most important thing about working out, but everyone wants to wear something that makes them feel comfortable and confident. Dressing in something that makes me look and feel amazing gives me a boost throughout my workout. It always struck me as odd that society at large wants overweight people to work out, but makes something as basic as finding quality, affordable activewear in bigger sizes resemble a scavenger hunt. Not only thin people want to work out! If I could magically just change my size, believe me, I would. However, reality dictates that I start where I am, not where I want to end up.

Imposter Syndrome at its Finest

Something else that I struggle with as an overweight runner is imposter syndrome. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I inspire them, and I never quite know how to react. Of course it feels amazing to hear something like that, but at the same time, I don’t feel like I’m qualified to inspire anyone. I’m just out there doing something I enjoy doing and trying to get better at it. There are many, many people better at running than I am. I’m nowhere near hitting the goals I set for myself this year. I’m not even “average” at running yet, and I can’t wait for the day that I am. I run so slowly that some people can walk faster than me (here’s lookin’ at you, speedwalker who beat me at my last 5k). I don’t have any special talent for running and I’ll never be the best. I just show up and give it my all. The truth is that I’m just too stubborn to quit.

One Last Word

I know that some of these things aren’t just specific to overweight runners, but as someone who still struggles with feeling insecure about my running, I hope I can help someone else not feel so alone. The hardest part about running isn’t the physical challenge, but the mental one. I have no regrets since I became a runner, even though it’s been a tough journey. I love it so much more than I ever thought would have been possible, and it’s really changed my life. I’ve gained confidence, met a lot of awesome people, and know that each and every effort I make takes me one step closer to my goals, even if it isn’t outwardly visible. I look forward to improving much more and finally celebrating the day I can run 5k in less than 40 minutes.