So here goes. This is going to be an introduction to my weight loss journey. As much as I hate that phrase, I don’t know what else to call it. It’s one I’ve been on before, and one I started years ago before just not caring anymore. Well, I’m calling this my finale, because I want to finally be done with it for good after this time.

Ten years ago, I had done pretty well at losing weight. I dropped 73 pounds out of the 150 I needed to lose over the course of about ten months. I hit a plateau and struggled with a depression I had never felt before, and subsequently gained it all back that next year. I didn’t attempt to try again until a few years later, and then managed to lose 53 pounds. My weight pretty much hung out there for a few years. I didn’t lose any more weight, but I didn’t gain any of it back. Last year, I wanted to finally finish what I had started, so I tried Noom. I did well at the beginning. Eight weeks in, I had lost 19 pounds and I thought that was finally going to be the key I was looking for. However, I lost control. I was struggling with feeling trapped in a job I hated and working hours that made it hard to see other people. I gained those 19 pounds back, plus ten more over the course of last year.

When February came around this year and it was time for me to check in with my primary care doctor (Dr. S), I knew I had to do something. I had reached my low point in December when I binge ate the night before my 5k and made myself physically sick. I was up vomiting all night long after eating chips and a whole bag of M&Ms. When I went in to my appointment, I was embarrassed I hadn’t made any progress the past year. When Dr. S asked me if there was anything I wanted to focus on during the appointment, tears immediately came to my eyes and I told him I wanted him to help me with a weight loss plan because I failed last year. He was so supportive of me asking him. He discussed his own struggles and gave me some options to choose from. Despite the fact that I am active with running and cycling, I wasn’t losing weight. He discussed medically managed weight loss (basically an ultra low calorie diet consisting of only 800 calories a day and weekly weigh ins), medications, or surgery. During the appointment, I had no idea what I wanted to do, so I asked if I could think it over and let him know.

I knew 100% that I didn’t want surgery, even though he said it was the most effective in the long term. It just seemed like so many people struggled with proper nutrition after having surgery that it didn’t seem like something I wanted to risk dealing with for the next 50 years of my life. I looked into medically managed weight loss, and it didn’t seem like it was a good fit for me being so active, and making time for an appointment once a week would be a hassle. In the end, I asked him more about medications and which one he recommended, and in the end, I decided to see if I could get my insurance to approve it. None of the medications are a magic fix, but they work in conjunction with lifestyle changes to make progress faster.

Of course, it wasn’t going to be that easy. My insurance requires multiple months worth of progress notes from my doctor and the name and date of a weight loss plan before approving it. He warned me that it wasn’t likely to be approved right away, so I wasn’t surprised. Right now, he’s having me work on a lower calorie plan (1200-1400 per day) and increasing my workouts. I’m also going into the office to weigh in and talk with him about my progress roughly every two months for accountability. Seeing the diagnosis for ‘severe obesity’ on that medication denial letter was another low point for me, but it gave me even more determination to get it right this time.

I just had my first progress check two weeks ago and I lost 21.6 pounds in the first 2 months. He was really surprised that I had lost so much and said if I was able to keep that pace, I wouldn’t even need medication. Having an official “goal date” to work toward really was helpful. It made things easier to manage looking at just the next two months, rather than waiting a whole year to go back and it makes it hard to procrastinate. It also was motivating due to the fact that if I hadn’t made progress, I would have been embarrassed and ashamed for wasting his time, but I’m sure he would have talked with me about different strategies to try if I hadn’t done well.

Before I left my appointment last week, he asked me if I wanted to try to get a different medication approved, keep checking in with him to to have the progress notes for the original medication he suggested, or if I wanted to do things on my own and just see him next year. He told me, “I’m here to support you, whatever you decide.” In the end, I decided to make another appointment for a weigh-in and progress check because I found it so motivating.

I’m so fortunate to have a doctor who genuinely cares and offers support however he can. I’ve never had a doctor that talks to me like a partner in my care before I met him 4 years ago. It’s also easy to talk to him about my weight because he’s been through losing a lot of weight himself, so he knows how it is. I don’t feel embarrassed or judged. After all the time he’s going to be taking for me this year, I don’t want to let him down.

More importantly, I’m tired of letting myself down. I want to have the kind of life where I finally feel comfortable in my skin. Right now I am 71.5 pounds down from my heaviest weight, and I have 81.5 to go to get to the very top end of a healthy weight range. I want this to finally be the time I do it.

In the coming weeks/months, I’ll share what’s working for me, what’s still hard for me, and just every day life in between.