It’s been a little over two weeks since my last physical therapy appointment. I wish I could say things were going well, but they aren’t. I’ve been having more pain and swelling than I had been before, and I’m feeling very frustrated and discouraged. I’ve been following my physical therapists advice, and I’ve even switched to shorter bike rides more frequently as opposed to longer ones less frequently. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m really hoping my therapist will have me attending appointments again. Something I was doing there definitely made me feel better, but I don’t know what. I think I still need help. I need to be able to actually get my calf muscles to stretch, because right now the pain at the base of my heel won’t let me get a good stretch to the muscles. I also can’t get the muscle to engage when I’m walking. If I can get that going, I think that will be the turning point. I’m just so worried that I’m going to be discharged from formal therapy sessions, and if that happens, I don’t know if I’ll ever get better. My body is getting tired of compensating for my continued issues. My left Achilles tendon is starting to get that familiar ache at the base off and on for the last three weeks, and my left hip has been bothering me since I was still wearing the boot full time. It’s going to be a long 9 days until I go back to see my therapist, and I’m praying that he can help me. I want to get back to normal!
Month: June 2019
Physical Therapy Hiatus
As the title gives away, I’m taking a break from physical therapy; today was my last appointment until the beginning of July. I worked with my usual therapist today and that was his decision. He isn’t sure that continuing to attend will make a difference when I can do a lot of the stuff at home. He told me that most people are talking about running by 4-5 months after surgery, and I can’t even walk properly yet at 6 months. I don’t have a severe limp, but enough that it’s noticeable to strangers because they ask me on a regular basis what I did to myself. I get so much pain and stiffness pushing off my right foot that I can’t move it correctly. At one point my therapist was talking about me coming once a week for a formal session and doing a maintenance program where I could come in and use the equipment one or two other days a week. I don’t understand why we’re going from twice a week to nothing when I can’t do the harder variations of the exercises he’s given me. I need help strengthening my muscles and getting them to stretch better. I don’t think doing the same things for the next month is going to give me what I need. I need someone to guide me and tell me when I can challenge myself and when I should do less.
I feel like everyone I was counting on to help me with my recovery is giving up on me. My doctor always just tells me to give things time to heal when I bring up a concern, and now I don’t have physical therapy to help me unless my therapist decides to have me continue when I go back in a month. Maybe my expectations were too high, but I don’t think it’s asking so much to be able to get normal function back. I assumed I’d be doing physical therapy until I could walk right again, and just beginning to run. I fully understand that I don’t need to attend throughout my whole recovery, but I want my daily life to be easier than it is now.
A Post in Which I Complain
I don’t have any major reason for writing tonight except that I just wanted to get some thoughts out. I’m still diligently attending physical therapy twice a week and working on some stuff at home. There’s a new therapist that just started there about two weeks ago and I’ve worked with him twice. He’s given me some new things to work on, which I like. He’s a nice guy, maybe too nice. When he does my manual therapy, he’s way too gentle. I don’t know if that’s just how he learned to do it or if he’s afraid to hurt me by being more aggressive, but that’s the only issue I have with him. Otherwise, he’s great. I’m probably just used to how aggressive my usual physical therapist is when he works on my foot/leg, which is usually pretty painful, but it does feel better afterward.
Usually I like going to physical therapy because I want to push myself to heal, but today I couldn’t wait to leave. My normal physical therapist wasn’t there, and the new one was working with a different patient today, so I got stuck with the same float therapist from about two months ago. I say “got stuck with” because I wouldn’t have rather cancelled my session today than to have worked with her. Last time she told me I “really shouldn’t be limping because it’s a bad habit”, like it’s my fault when my tendon gets sore and inflamed it doesn’t want to move right. Today’s session went no better. She seemed almost surprised I was still there and told me that if I wasn’t making progress I should just quit going so I don’t abuse the sessions… WHAT THE HECK?? I don’t understand how she’s qualified to make any statements about the course of my treatment when she’s worked with me exactly twice and knows nothing about my case. I’ve made progress, it’s just been on the slow side. That’s hardly a reason to quit. My surgeon told me to expect six to twelve months of physical therapy, so why she’s saying that to me after four months, and really only almost three since I couldn’t do much when I was still in the boot at the beginning, I just don’t understand. She also talks to me like I’m four years old, asking me if I “always get raised scars when I get boo-boos”. I was so annoyed by the time I left there that I wish I would have just cancelled the appointment and made it for tomorrow instead.
I’m so glad I’m working with my normal therapist on Thursday, the one who I’ve been with since the beginning, even before my surgery, so at least I know my next session won’t be a waste of my time. I’m definitely going to tell him about today’s therapist telling me to quit. I refuse to believe that my foot is as good as it’s going to get, and he’s not going to tell me I’m done yet. We talked about the future a few weeks ago and moving down to once a week of official treatment and a maintenance program where I come use the equipment on my own once my insurance benefits run out. I absolutely won’t settle for only partial healing and a life of limping and pain when I walk.
Life's A Ride 