Tag: Life

Fat Shaming During Workouts

On By LeraIn Life1 Comment

Well, it happened again. Someone yelled something rude at me out of their car window while I was working out tonight. It doesn’t happen to me often (maybe two to three times a year), but the fact that it happens at all means it’s too much. I just don’t understand what motivates people to tear down others when they’re trying to better themselves. I know it says a lot more about the person who feels the need to yell insults than it does about myself, but it still sucks.

As a girl who has been overweight for a while, I’ve always felt invisible, especially when it comes to men. I’m used to no one looking twice at me. However, every single time someone has felt the need to yell insults at me while working out, it’s ALWAYS been men. I do my best to stop thinking about it as quickly as I can, but it just really bothered me this time.

I really don’t have anything else to say about it, but maybe I’ll go back to using headphones again for a while just so if it does happen again in the short term, I won’t even notice it.

August 2024

On By LeraIn Life, runningLeave a comment

It’s been a crazy past few months! My knee is still not 100%, but it hasn’t been much of an issue when I run, so I’ve been going 2-3 days a week for just a short time, anywhere from 20-45 minutes, with an occasional longer run up to an hour. I did my first event of the year this past weekend, which was a 4 mile race. I had hit that distance through training a few times before, but I was never able to run the whole distance. I don’t mind doing the run/walk method for my workouts, though, as I find it’s generally easier on my body.


Race day was extremely hot and humid. It was already over 80 degrees at the 9:30 start time, and I knew it was going to be a struggle. I don’t do well running in the heat, but I’ve been trying to get my body used to it this summer. It did at least go better than last summer’s race under the same conditions, so it’s definitely an improvement. I ended up walking over half the course, which was disappointing. I had hoped to be able to run the first half and do run/walk intervals in the second half, but it just wasn’t meant to be. The course was almost full sun. There were three water stops set up, but only the first stop had water available. The other two stops ran out of cups and had nothing to offer but to pour a little water over people’s heads. I purposely didn’t bring water with me because I’ve never done a race where they didn’t have water to offer like that, but I learned my lesson for next time and will be looking for a small, handheld water bottle for my next summer race, whenever that may be.


All in all, considering the way this year has been with wondering if my knee would ever cooperate, I was happy to be able to finally do a race, even if it wasn’t in the exact way I would prefer. I’m going to take a week or two off, get back to a really comprehensive pre-hab program, and see if I can’t get this knee pain all the way gone. I am planning to do my favorite Halloween themed 5k in October and am still searching for a costume to wear. I have a few ideas, but can’t decide on anything for certain yet.

No matter what happens in terms of my running the rest of this year, I did meet my goal of doing a race longer than a 5k. When I set that goal, I was thinking more like finally trying a 10k, but that’s going to have to be a next year goal. I don’t want to tax my knee too much and set myself back, although to be honest I’m losing hope it will fully heal without some more intervention. However, there’s not much I can do about it but wait, though!

April 2024 Update

On By LeraIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

Just going to keep this short and sweet since not a lot has happened since last time.

I had another follow up for my knee injury. It’s been trying to get better, so I opted not to talk with a surgeon at that appointment. It’s still limiting me enough that I’m still considering surgery, but I figured if it seems like it’s trying to improve, it would be best to hold off for now. The lateral knee pain has gotten better in that it’s not every day anymore, but it does still bother me if I stand with too much weight through my left leg, or it I have my knee bent a while and then straighten it. I haven’t noticed major issues with the lateral pain after I workout. The posterior pain is an ongoing issue, as is the joint as a whole feeling swollen after I run, and sometimes if I bike more than an hour. I’m usually good to run for a mile to a mile and a half without having pain later, but more than that and it isn’t pretty. I’ve pushed my running to three miles a few times, and while I usually feel okay during the run itself, I have pain soon after stopping and I hurt for the whole rest of the day, sometimes into the next day.

My doctor still thinks a lot of my issue is my IT band, but I’m just not so sure. When I get the lateral pain, it’s different than when I’ve had IT band pain. The pain I get now is lower. Back near the beginning of everything, I did have that very classic IT pain, but now I just don’t know. He explained that the IT band can cause pain where it attaches lower down the leg from that “textbook” area, but I’m hesitant to cut it until I feel sure. Still no clear idea of the cause of the posterior pain. May be my torn meniscus, may not be, especially since the area of pain doesn’t overlap the tear most of the time. If I have surgery, they’d look at everything first and then the plan would be to release some tension on my IT band and fix/cut out the tear in my meniscus, along with fixing whatever else they find while looking inside. It just scares me to mess with my IT band because what if it isn’t the problem after all and then it’s too lax? I don’t want to set myself up for future injuries.

I follow up with the doctor again at the end of May, and honestly if there isn’t ongoing improvement, I’ll likely just go the surgery route. The surgeon he wants me to see is very busy, so I assume surgery would be pushed out a couple months anyway. If in the lead up to it I feel things have improved, I could just cancel. It sucks to be at this point where I don’t have conservative options left and I’m just playing a waiting game. I’m having a hard time knowing what the right decision is here for myself.

Steroid Shot Round Two

On By LeraIn Cycling, Life, running, SurgeryLeave a comment

I had my ortho follow up yesterday. I did get some relief from the steroid injection into my knee joint last time. It gave me some off my range of motion back and helped with some of the pain, but it didn’t help with everything. I remain unable to bend my knee all the way, or straighten it all the way, so trying to do some of the stretches the doctor gave me hasn’t been going well. It’s still too painful to attempt a quad or hamstring stretch, but I’ve been able to do most of the strengthening ones pretty decently.

Given continuing symptoms at my appointment today, the doctor injected my distal IT band to see what that does for me. I’m still getting lateral and posterior pain, and walking still isn’t comfortable, but biking has been feeling a little better. I’m having less pain and stiffness after a ride as long as I keep it slow. Although any amount of pain is still too much, it’s at least a step in the right direction.

If this steroid injection doesn’t fix the problem and get me starting to run, I’ll be discussing surgery when I go back in 6 weeks. Hopefully it won’t come to that, but that’s the very last option. I’m not crazy about the idea of surgery when we don’t even know for sure what’s going on, but I’m pretty sure arthroscopy can aid in diagnosis, and they can fix the problem if they find something right at the same time, so I’m trying to be as positive as I can. The doctor mentioned possibly releasing tension on the IT band, but that’s assuming that’s the cause. The area where it hurts isn’t the same as where I had IT pain before; that was a little higher up on the knee and this is lower. He still doesn’t think it’s likely to be my meniscus even though it is torn since it’s on the medial side, which is the opposite side of my knee. I also have a Baker’s cyst that could be the cause. Basically, we’re both just crossing our fingers and hoping we can at least narrow down what’s going on. Unfortunately, it could be one or all of those things.

I felt pretty good when I woke up this morning (waaaay too early at 2:45 am thanks to insomnia being a side effect of the injection), so I took myself out for a walk at 6 am and managed to hit two miles. I was really slow, but only mildly sore while I walked without a noticeable difference in pain later on, so that’s a good sign. If I can get the pain while walking to disappear over the next two weeks, I’ll try slipping in a couple tenth mile intervals into a walk. I don’t want to rush back into trying to run and make it worse again, but I also need the information for when I go back for my follow up. If I still can’t run, I’ll let them cut me open and see if they can find the problem. I’m far too young for this to be the end of my running, so I’ll give it a try if I have to.

I’ll let you guys know how things continue to go as always!

Knee Consult

On By LeraIn Life, runningLeave a comment

Today I finally had my specialist consult for my knee, which I was ridiculously excited for. I’ve been waiting for at least some answers, and while I didn’t get as much information as I hoped, just having some sort of plan in place right now is helping keep me grounded.

As I mentioned in my last post, I was scheduled to consult with a sports medicine doctor at an orthopedics office. The appointment began with taking x-rays, which I didn’t fully understand because I had an MRI done already, but I guess they show different enough information. After that, I went to a room to await the official start of the appointment.

Their office works with a physician assistant coming in first and getting a history, asking questions, and doing a physical exam. I was fine with that since I was going to be seeing the doctor after that. However, this PA was so fixated on my X-rays showing the beginnings of arthritis developing that that was all he was focused on while he was talking to me. He made it sound like that was what he thought the cause of everything was, even though I specifically was able to point to it developing after a run, and specifically worsening when my knee snapped at my Thanksgiving 5k. There was no way I was about to walk out of that office with anyone trying to tell me arthritis was the cause of my problems. It’s nothing new to me when someone in healthcare sees my body still being overweight, sees something like that in an X-ray, and just can’t see past it. He also kept trying to tell me it would be better for me if I didn’t run and switched to biking or swimming.

Thankfully, the doctor listened to me a lot better and I felt like he actually heard my concerns. He also asked some questions and did an exam. He then pulled my MRI and X-rays up and showed me exactly what the findings in them looked like on the images and talked about why he wasn’t 100% sure that my meniscus tear was the cause of my pain and deficits. The place where my meniscus is torn is the medial side, yet I’ve had a lot more posterior and lateral pain. He did say the posterior pain could be from the meniscus, but also said it may not be and that rushing to do surgery on it may not fix it. I told him that I was willing to try conservative treatments first, and whatever it takes as long as I can run again.

We settled on trying a couple of injections spaced apart by a month. He let me decide if I wanted one that would help the pain in the back of my knee first or the lateral pain first. I chose to treat the pain the back first because he said getting rid of the inflammation in the joint, whether from the tear or something else, would help clear up the Baker’s cyst since it’s a result of too much fluid production from inflammation. I was hoping he would drain it, but he said this would work better.

So, I had the steroid injection done on my knee joint itself, and it was surprisingly mostly painless. It was a little achy when he was actually entering the joint, but very mild— much more mild than the pain I’ve been living with daily. The doctor said it would take up to two days to see full benefit. He also said that if this didn’t address the pain, he would try an injection laterally to see if it’s my IT band causing pain in a different spot than before. I at least appreciate his honesty that he’s not sure exactly what it is, but he’s willing to try a few things. He did say that if the injections don’t work, then it would probably be wise to consult a surgeon.

I go back for a follow up in a month. In the meantime, he gave me about a dozen different exercises to work on at home. I am allowed to try some walking and biking as tolerated after taking it easy the next couple of days to let the injection take full effect. Right now I can’t do either without pain, so we’ll see what happens in the next several weeks. My only fear for the long-term is that these injections do help, but it just puts a band-aid on a bigger problem. The steroids will help the inflammation and therefore the pain, but what if just masking the symptoms causes me a false sense of well-being and I end up injuring myself more? I don’t like thinking about something like that, but I also know that I’m extremely unlucky when it comes to injuries. At this point, it would be naive of me NOT to think of it.

As always, I’ll share with you guys when I know more!

Knee Damage

On By LeraIn Life, runningLeave a comment

I had an MRI done this week after I injured myself even more at the Thanksgiving 5K. I got the results back and there’s a whole lot going on. The most serious issue is a meniscus tear, but I also have a moderately sized cyst behind my knee and a joint effusion. Basically, the whole thing is a mess. I had already set up an appointment with the orthopedics office before the testing, but they didn’t schedule me with a surgeon, they scheduled me with someone in sports medicine. They put me with him because I had no previous history of knee surgeries and a no specific diagnosis, which makes sense. Now that I have the results back and know it’s a tear, I asked my pcp if I should reschedule to one of the surgeons, and that is what he would prefer.

I called the office and asked if I could be rescheduled to one of the surgeons, but the wait is out to March and April, which is way too long to let this go. I decided to just stick with the doctor I was scheduled with for now so I could at least get some questions answered about the severity of the condition, if the tear itself is likely to be causing the issues (it’s my medial meniscus that’s torn, but mostly I have lateral and posterior pain), and if it’s possible to try conservative treatment. My appointment is only two weeks away; at this point, it just makes sense to see what he says and I can always ask to book with someone else if I want another opinion. Letting this pain and loss of function go on for three more months is unreasonable. I can’t bend my leg all the way, I can’t straighten it all the way, and it’s affected my gait for a month now.

Honestly, I’m scared of what I’m going to hear. I know that a lot of people with meniscus issues still have trouble with it even after a repair. I also know that it’s unlikely to just heal itself, so I don’t know what I’m facing. I would love to know how severely it’s torn, and would like to hopefully get the cyst and/or fluid drained so my knee doesn’t feel so stiff and swollen. I think just that would go a good way toward me feeling better.

I’ll keep you guys updated. I had dreams of doing a color run in April, but it really all depends on how this consultation goes.

September Setbacks

On By LeraIn Life, running, weight lossLeave a comment

I feel like the title is a misnomer, because August is actually the month where things started holding me back. I ended up hurting myself about halfway through August and I’m still not better. I went for a rainy day run and felt great during, to the point where I intentionally got a new PR, but later that night it all went downhill. The worst part is that I don’t even know what the issue is. My doctor thinks maybe my IT band because it hurts on the side of my knee when I run, but I can walk or bike without that same pain. I also get achy behind my knee, and when I bend it all the way, it feels like there’s a painful lump or something that’s preventing it from bending to its max. So basically, I am the master of injuries. My doctor told me to try to self treat a little longer, but I think it’s going to end up being something I need PT for. I thought it was doing better last weekend and I did 5 very short run intervals in the middle of a 3.5 mile walk, and those didn’t hurt at the time, but a couple hours later, the pain was awful and has been present in varying degrees since.

So, while I can’t run, I have been walking and biking. I still need to get some sort of movement to help with my weight loss. I’m up to 43 pounds lost this year, so at least that’s something going in the right direction.

My biggest source of sadness right now is being stuck walking my 5k on October 1st when it should have been a PR race for me by a solid five minutes. Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded walking it, but I just found out that I’ll be doing it by myself. None of my friends want to do this one this year. This is the first race I’ve run in 3 years where I won’t even know one person. I guess it was bound to happen, but I’m still feeling really down. If I was able to get a refund, I don’t think I’d bother going because it’s just going to feel like a shell of the experience I’m used to.

Anyway, that’s life right now. I’ll let you guys know how the race goes. Maybe I’ll get lucky and I can try to run a little. I know it looks like I’m probably not going to be doing the Thanksgiving Day 5k this year, which stinks, but if by some chance I heal quickly, I’ll sign up.

A Race for July

On By LeraIn Life, running, weight lossLeave a comment

I ran my first 5k of the year on Thursday! My performance was absolutely awful, but I still had fun anyway.

It was a hot and very humid evening with the race starting at 7:30pm. I started out really strong with one of my fastest miles ever. I got a cramp in my calf just five minutes into the race, but I was able to push past that well enough and finish that first mile on track to PR. After that, I slowed down to a slow jog, and then ended up walking. The heat was making me feel dizzy and I ended up just walking most of the rest of the race. It was my own fault for starting too fast. I was happy enough to just finish this one.

After the race, there was a concert and dinner that was included in the race entry fee, so I met up with my running friends and we enjoyed a picnic on the grass while listening to the music until the sky grew dark and the fireflies came out. All in all, it was a fun night, even if I had one of my worst races.

Attempting to Lose Half of Me

On By LeraIn Life, weight lossLeave a comment

So here goes. This is going to be an introduction to my weight loss journey. As much as I hate that phrase, I don’t know what else to call it. It’s one I’ve been on before, and one I started years ago before just not caring anymore. Well, I’m calling this my finale, because I want to finally be done with it for good after this time.

Ten years ago, I had done pretty well at losing weight. I dropped 73 pounds out of the 150 I needed to lose over the course of about ten months. I hit a plateau and struggled with a depression I had never felt before, and subsequently gained it all back that next year. I didn’t attempt to try again until a few years later, and then managed to lose 53 pounds. My weight pretty much hung out there for a few years. I didn’t lose any more weight, but I didn’t gain any of it back. Last year, I wanted to finally finish what I had started, so I tried Noom. I did well at the beginning. Eight weeks in, I had lost 19 pounds and I thought that was finally going to be the key I was looking for. However, I lost control. I was struggling with feeling trapped in a job I hated and working hours that made it hard to see other people. I gained those 19 pounds back, plus ten more over the course of last year.

When February came around this year and it was time for me to check in with my primary care doctor (Dr. S), I knew I had to do something. I had reached my low point in December when I binge ate the night before my 5k and made myself physically sick. I was up vomiting all night long after eating chips and a whole bag of M&Ms. When I went in to my appointment, I was embarrassed I hadn’t made any progress the past year. When Dr. S asked me if there was anything I wanted to focus on during the appointment, tears immediately came to my eyes and I told him I wanted him to help me with a weight loss plan because I failed last year. He was so supportive of me asking him. He discussed his own struggles and gave me some options to choose from. Despite the fact that I am active with running and cycling, I wasn’t losing weight. He discussed medically managed weight loss (basically an ultra low calorie diet consisting of only 800 calories a day and weekly weigh ins), medications, or surgery. During the appointment, I had no idea what I wanted to do, so I asked if I could think it over and let him know.

I knew 100% that I didn’t want surgery, even though he said it was the most effective in the long term. It just seemed like so many people struggled with proper nutrition after having surgery that it didn’t seem like something I wanted to risk dealing with for the next 50 years of my life. I looked into medically managed weight loss, and it didn’t seem like it was a good fit for me being so active, and making time for an appointment once a week would be a hassle. In the end, I asked him more about medications and which one he recommended, and in the end, I decided to see if I could get my insurance to approve it. None of the medications are a magic fix, but they work in conjunction with lifestyle changes to make progress faster.

Of course, it wasn’t going to be that easy. My insurance requires multiple months worth of progress notes from my doctor and the name and date of a weight loss plan before approving it. He warned me that it wasn’t likely to be approved right away, so I wasn’t surprised. Right now, he’s having me work on a lower calorie plan (1200-1400 per day) and increasing my workouts. I’m also going into the office to weigh in and talk with him about my progress roughly every two months for accountability. Seeing the diagnosis for ‘severe obesity’ on that medication denial letter was another low point for me, but it gave me even more determination to get it right this time.

I just had my first progress check two weeks ago and I lost 21.6 pounds in the first 2 months. He was really surprised that I had lost so much and said if I was able to keep that pace, I wouldn’t even need medication. Having an official “goal date” to work toward really was helpful. It made things easier to manage looking at just the next two months, rather than waiting a whole year to go back and it makes it hard to procrastinate. It also was motivating due to the fact that if I hadn’t made progress, I would have been embarrassed and ashamed for wasting his time, but I’m sure he would have talked with me about different strategies to try if I hadn’t done well.

Before I left my appointment last week, he asked me if I wanted to try to get a different medication approved, keep checking in with him to to have the progress notes for the original medication he suggested, or if I wanted to do things on my own and just see him next year. He told me, “I’m here to support you, whatever you decide.” In the end, I decided to make another appointment for a weigh-in and progress check because I found it so motivating.

I’m so fortunate to have a doctor who genuinely cares and offers support however he can. I’ve never had a doctor that talks to me like a partner in my care before I met him 4 years ago. It’s also easy to talk to him about my weight because he’s been through losing a lot of weight himself, so he knows how it is. I don’t feel embarrassed or judged. After all the time he’s going to be taking for me this year, I don’t want to let him down.

More importantly, I’m tired of letting myself down. I want to have the kind of life where I finally feel comfortable in my skin. Right now I am 71.5 pounds down from my heaviest weight, and I have 81.5 to go to get to the very top end of a healthy weight range. I want this to finally be the time I do it.

In the coming weeks/months, I’ll share what’s working for me, what’s still hard for me, and just every day life in between.

April Update

On By LeraIn Life, runningLeave a comment

Clearly consistency isn’t my strong suit with this blog lately. I will try to do better at updating on at least a monthly basis.

Since my last update, I did run another 5k. It was holiday themed and held at the local zoo, so it was a unique experience. Afterward, we got to stick around for free and check out the holiday light displays. I had a really great time, but I was still struggling with my knee injury at that point and was in horrible pain after the run and then walking around another hour and a half after. I ended up taking time off from running again. I started back up in February and only ran twice that month, and also only ran twice in March. For April I managed to run once a week for the whole month. I’m still having trouble, though, so trying to keep it slow and easy when I do go. I’m thinking I’ll end up back in physical therapy for it at some point. I do have some posts planned coming up. I’ll probably put the first one up within a week just so I can set the stage for future posts, so stay tuned!