February Failure?

Well, it’s February and I feel like I already lost out on one of my goals for the year. I had planned to run a race every month this year, and today was supposed to be our local hot cocoa run. I had signed up over a month ago and fully planned on going, but two days ago I decided that I would switch it to the virtual option. I’m still trying to let my knee heal and I thought it would be better for me if I didn’t have the added pressure of trying to run more than my body told me I should just because of the environment. It’s been discouraging to go to the races and know I just can’t run all of it. I end up feeling great when I finish, but a mile into the race when I start walking, it feels crushing.

Virtual racing is just not the same, but it was nice for the fact that there is no pressure, I can decide when and where I go, and I brought my dog along with me. We just got another round of snow and ice the day before yesterday, so the park I went to looked like a winter wonderland. My dog was so excited to be out on a walk (not something we do daily in the winter) that he pulled me the entire time, so he really got my pace up there.

In other news, I’m almost done with this round of physical therapy for my runner’s knee, and I have a follow-up appointment with the sports medicine doctor in a week and a half. I’ve been working really hard at strengthening my whole right leg, which is very weak compared to my left. I’ve made some noticeable gains in strength, but it still feels like I have a long way to go. I still can’t do a single leg squat on it without something feeling like it’s slipping out of place and collapsing on me. Putting any kind of load through my bent knee without support from the other leg is a failure still. I don’t know what to expect at this doctor’s appointment. I don’t know if I’m ready to be done with PT, but I also know that I can’t keep going there forever. The problem is, that some of the most beneficial things I do there use equipment I just don’t have access to without it. I’ll have to ask about how to transition to a home program this coming week if my PT and my doctor decide it isn’t worthwhile to continue.

I had my yearly check-in with my regular doctor this week. Thankfully, other than just needing to lose some weight, there’s no major issues. All my bloodwork is normal. My blood pressure has been high in the office the last few times, so my doctor asked me to monitor it at home for a few weeks and send him the results. So far, I’ve only had one high reading and the rest have been normal, so hopefully it’s just an anxiety thing. I never feel like I’m nervous in a medical setting, but maybe my body says otherwise. I really value the time my doctor takes to talk to me about everything without lecturing me. I feel like I can have an open and honest conversation and not like I have to hide anything. We talked about trying a program like Noom or Wondr to help me change some behaviors, and I think I’m going to try one of them.

Lastly, I’ve been feeling a lot of stress lately from work. For a month now, everything I do seems to garner criticism. I don’t even want to get out of bed most days because I know I’ll be facing more of the same. I pretty much know I can’t keep dealing with it, but it’s not like I can do anything about it other than trying to stand up for myself while I try to find something else. I’ve been going to church regularly since August, and it’s really helped me practice patience. I know that it likely isn’t about me as the root cause, because I haven’t done anything different than how I used to, so I try to keep things professional and not say some of the things I really want to say. For now, I just focus on prayer and trying to endure whatever I need to endure, because I know it won’t last forever.

I’ll give you guys another update in a few weeks after I know where I stand with my running and injury rehab. Thanks for taking the time to read this 🙂

New Year, New Goals 2022!

I can’t believe it’s a new year already! 2021 seemed to go by fast. Mostly it was a good year. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, but nothing overtly bad happened either. I do wish I wasn’t bringing my runner’s knee into the new year, though. I was hoping I could start this year out strong and ready to tackle things, but that will be a little delayed.

I followed up with my sports medicine doctor two days ago and he wants me to do some more physical therapy, which I pretty much knew he was going to recommend. He told me that he wanted my PT program to be really aggressive and that he wasn’t concerned about making anything worse. He said he was fine with me staying at the clinic I’ve been going to if they can push me hard enough, otherwise he recommended the clinic in his building because they work with a lot of athletes. So, honestly I don’t know what I want to do. I’m going to chat with my usual PT on the phone when he returns to the office Tuesday and see what he might think. I feel like I could have been pushed more in my first round, but I think he was afraid of doing more damage. I think I would be okay with either option. My usual clinic always gets me back running, but at the same time it might not hurt to try something new either. I love that my doctor takes my goals seriously. I got so lucky to have found someone who listens so well.

So what are my goals for this coming year? I have a lot in terms of running, but also some others.

1. Run a 5k race every month this year.

2. Get my 5k time under 40 minutes, and then to under 35.

3. Do one speed session each week to help my running pace.

4. Trail run at least twice a month.

5. Try a 30 day run streak.

6. Sign up for a training group with the local running shop.

7. Consider trying a race longer than 5k if my body is up for it.

8. Incorporate jump rope into my fitness routine.

9. Do several 100 mile bike weeks.

10. Get back to studying Japanese.

I will probably be adding some things on this list eventually, but this is a start. Most of the running ones should be easily attainable when I can resume normal training. I’m still on the 1-1.5 miles twice a week thing until I get more strength built up, so my race times won’t be great for a few months, but it’s better than nothing at all!

I already started this year with a 5k on New Year’s Eve. It started just before midnight, and when midnight hit, fireworks went off, so that was cool to see while running. It was a smaller race with around 200 people, but everyone was really nice! Even though I was fifth from last at finishing, there were still people around to cheer as I ran across the finish line, which usually doesn’t happen at the bigger races. I definitely wouldn’t mind doing that race again every New Year’s!

PT, a 5K, and Life

It’s hard to believe the year is almost over already! In the month since I’ve updated you guys, I’ve finished physical therapy for the time being, unless my doctor decides I need to do some more. I don’t go back for my follow-up until January 5th, so for the next couple weeks, I will be working on my stretches and strengthening at home and seeing how it goes. If things get worse before my appointment, my PT said I could call and we could figure out what needs to be done. I’m not 100% convinced that I will be okay on my own yet because it’s hard to measure that when I haven’t been doing my usual running and biking. I’m still having some trouble with my knee. It had started to feel better, and then I had a work week that destroyed all of my progress and set me back. I still can’t function well at work unless I’m maxed out on ibuprofen. A physical job and an injury do not go well together. That’s why I have such slow healing times whenever I get injured.

Despite all that, I did do another 5K that was holiday themed two weeks ago. I was already signed up, so my PT knew I was going to try it anyway. I had originally planned to try running half of it, since my doctor told me I could run one to one and a half miles twice a week, but I didn’t even make it much more than a half mile. I felt so much like I failed when I had to walk almost that whole distance. Obviously I was being too hard on myself in that moment, but it was hard to not think that way. There’s nothing wrong with walking if you need to. I shouldn’t have beaten myself up about it while dealing with a known injury and not having been able to train properly. What helped pull me out of that thinking during the race was a group of 4 little kids just past the two mile mark standing in their yard and throwing leaves like confetti at all of us and cheering for us. They didn’t care how anyone was doing. They cheered for everyone going by them anyway.

After that race, I took two weeks off. My PT said I could ease back in to running by starting with a half mile run. That’s less than my doctor had said, but I. Think it’s for the best to take it slower after that abysmal performance I had at that race. When my PT asked me when my next race was, I told him New Year’s Eve at midnight. I don’t think he was expecting that because he just started laughing and called me “one of those crazy runners”. I told him I would be sure to take it easy and just run as much as my body felt comfortable with. I think I’ll be walking a little in the beginning to get my body warmed up some and then try to run about a mile and a half. I’m hoping in two weeks I can be close-ish to that. I did 10 minutes today, which was 0.2 miles more than the half mile I was supposed to do, but I was feeling okay and thought it would be good for me mentally to at least be able to do 10 minutes. It felt so hard after not being able to train much. It’s been at least a month since I ran over 30 minutes. Every other run has been 20 or less, and getting back to it after no running for weeks at a time was a challenge. I was very slow, but in a way that’s good because it will ease my knee back in, hopefully.

I probably won’t update this again until January after my next 5K and my appointment since life is pretty boring otherwise. I do have a week off starting December 21st, so I just have two more work days to make it through and then I can let my body and mind rest a little. It’s been so stressful the last couple of weeks. I’ve been stuck staying late every week on my morning days, which would be fine if it was once in a while, but not 3 weeks straight. And then yesterday, someone I work with massively took their anger out on me for a situation I couldn’t control and I had a breakdown. I was shaking and trying not cry while I was still at work, which was unsuccessful. At the point where it started, I only had one more hour to go, so I was able to hold most of it back until I got home. One day I just won’t go back. I can’t take many more days like that. I try not to take it personally, but I got yelled at and accused of “trying to get out of work” because a company we contract with had a weird situation occur and couldn’t deliver our product that day. It was out of their hands, and it was out of mine. There wasn’t anything either of us could have done about it. All we can do is wait for an alternate delivery date. To be yelled at about it was unfair.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great rest of the year, and a great start to 2022!

PT, Round 5

It’s been a whirlwind of a month, but I feel like things are looking up. I saw my primary care doctor for my knee, and he wasn’t sure what exactly was going on. He said it could be a few different things based on my exam. When I called to make the appointment my knee was feeling worse than the day I actually had the appointment, so it wasn’t giving me its usual problems. My doctor told me I always make things difficult (jokingly, of course), but I can’t help it my body didn’t read the instruction manuals. It always shows problems in weird ways. Since he wasn’t sure, he told me he wanted someone else to look at my knee. I appreciated his honesty about it. He told me he’d contact someone he knew in sports medicine and see if I could be seen.

The next business day I got a call from a sports medicine office to schedule an appointment, and they got me in within a week and a half. I really like the doctor I saw there. He was great at explaining everything to me, very friendly, and he took my goals into consideration to come up with a plan for me. It turns out I have runner’s knee. The plan was to start physical therapy for 4-6 weeks and cut back on my workouts. So now I can only run two days a week for half my usually time and bike one day. I asked if I could still do the 5Ks I was signed up for and he said it was fine if I took a few days off afterward.

I started physical therapy a few days ago and will be going three times a week. I get to see the PT I’ve always seen, so he knows my weird problems already. My femur is twisted internally, my tibia is twisted externally, and my foot points out on my affected leg. He’s trying to correct that as much as possible while we work to build strength in key areas. Yesterday’s session has my muscles sore, but that means it was an effective workout for me. I’m hoping things calm down soon and I can enjoy some more time running pain free in the new year!

What Makes Someone an Athlete?

What Makes Someone an Athlete?

I’ve been thinking about the answer to this question for the last couple of days, after someone told me I was an athlete. It really got me thinking about the term, because I’ve never thought about myself in that way before. So, like any time life throws me something I need or want to think over, I got my bike out and pondered it over the course of an hourlong ride, and then I went home and did some journaling regarding the topic. I’m curious to know what everyone else thinks, but this is my take.

I have always thought of athletes as people who are good at sports, and even most dictionary definitions will say the same thing. By that view, I certainly don’t feel like an athlete. I run and bike because they bring me joy. I’m nowhere near good enough to ever win an official event, and I probably never will be. I sign up for 5Ks because I enjoy them. I lack even the most basic traits of athleticism. I’m still striving to get “in shape”, and I’m not particularly coordinated (I trip over my own feet more than I should). You can see why I have a hard time thinking of myself as an athlete based on those views, but is it the right view?

When I first started running, I read a lot of articles about the sport, especially if it was targeted to a beginner. Some of the articles made it clear that even people who partake in running just a few days a week should think of themselves as an athlete and try to keep that mindset at the forefront of their minds during a workout. Thinking back to those articles, I asked myself a few other questions:

1. Is a team really necessary to be an athlete, or is competing against yourself sufficient?

2. Do you need to excel at your sport (team or otherwise), or is committing and showing up enough?

3. Can you be an athlete without being athletic?

I came up with some answers after talking it over a bit with my aunt and thinking about how much I’ve changed in the last two years. I think being an athlete has more to do with mindset than physical abilities in many ways. Undertaking and finishing a training program for whatever your goals may be takes dedication and sacrifice. If you’re someone who sets goals and strives to improve each day, that makes you an athlete. It often means changing your lifestyle to meet the demands of your chosen activity, reorganizing your priorities, and getting out of bed each morning without making excuses. The determination and drive to keep going when things get tough definitely define an athlete, so I don’t really think it matters what your activity is or if you choose to compete. Your sport becomes a part of you that you can’t do without. I can easily identify with the above characteristics, and I’m sure many of you can, too.

Maybe more of us should start thinking of ourselves as athletes. Maybe it’s time to do a mental overhaul instead of just a physical one. That old adage “fake it till you make it” has some truth to it. It can be hard to change your mindset, but maybe “faking it” is what’s needed until you start believing it.

Run For Your Life— A Halloween Event

Hey, y’all! It’s been a while again. I’ve been doing pretty well with my running and biking despite my knee giving me some troubles. It’s been bothering me off and on all year, so it isn’t anything major. However, it’s been more and more of an issue lately, so I’m hoping to get it looked at and figure out what I need to do to fix it since the pain won’t stay gone. I don’t want to end up with any long-term problems.

That said, this month I did do another 5k race! I ran it with a couple of friends, so of course I had a good time. One of my friends did the 10k earlier in the day and the 5k 2 hours later (massive respect for her taking on that challenge), and the other ran the 5k with me. We tackled it together in run/walk intervals and I did a lot better with this one than I did at the race in August. It was Halloween themed, and I was planning to wear a costume, but I didn’t have enough time to make one and I didn’t feel like buying one, so I just made an orange/black/purple tutu to wear. I ended up glad not to have a costume after all because it was so humid. It had rained until an hour before the race, so everything was all steamy. The weather cleared and there was even a little bit of sun peeking through the clouds here and there, but I was glad it wasn’t full-on sun or it would have been even hotter. The race was held at an orchard, so on the way to pick up our race bibs and shirts, we had to walk through a field on a hill. It was muddy from the rain and I rolled my ankle three times by the time I got my bib, walked stuff back to the car, and walked to the starting line. Thankfully, it never rolled far enough to actually cause pain, so that was very lucky.

I wasn’t feeling nervous before this race like I did before every other one I’ve done. One of my friends rode to the race with me and we stopped at Starbucks before we hade the half hour drive. I guess the caffeine really helped! My main goal this race was to look good in my race pictures, but I managed to look like I was dying in just about every single one. There were photographers at miles 1 and 2, and at the finish line. The only picture I look kind of good in was the finish line one, and I think the fog machine helped in that one to add some atmosphere in. I at least look happy, but I still look a whole lot more exhausted than I felt. I’ll just have to try again at one of the other races that has in-race photographers. The finish line was fun because they announced every runner’s name as they crossed, so I felt like a celebrity. We collected our medals and made our way to the refreshment stand, where they had freshly made cinnamon donuts, popcorn, and cold apple cider. We battled a couple of bees to try to eat our snack, but I successfully managed not to get stung in the mouth (which happened to me 3 times as a kid, so I have a bit of a phobia of eating outside with bees buzzing around). I definitely want to do that race again next year. It was a really fun time. Even the people living in the nearby neighborhood that we passed through enjoyed seeing the runners. A few people had tables set up with refreshments they offered us and they were wearing costumes. The T-Rex was a popular choice this year for costumes; one was an adult dressed as one and one was a kid of maybe three or four, both in separate locations.

All in all, it’s been a pretty smooth year. I’m not having near the number of problems I had last year. I’m still really slow and feeling like I’m not making any progress, but I’m enjoying myself anyway. I’ll never be good enough to actually place in a race, so I don’t stress about it too much.

I don’t have any other races planned until New Year’s Eve at midnight, which should be interesting. I’ve been going to bed at 10:30 lately, so I don’t even know if I’ll have a lot of energy to run that late at night, but I’m sure he combination of the cold air and the fun atmosphere will give me enough of a boost. The goal for 2022 is to do a 5k every month, so I’m on the hunt for some fun novelty races. February will be a local hot cocoa run, and March so far looks like it will probably be St. Patrick’s Day themed, but I’m still hunting around. My only requirements for a race is that it has to be a fun one and it has to have finisher medals. What can I say; I like my bling!

Rainy Day Dreams

I haven’t written lately because I’ve been so stressed out. Everything feels like a struggle lately, and I’ve been having more days than usual where I just don’t want to get out of bed. However, I always manage to get up on my running days, even when I don’t feel like it. There’s just something about not going that feels wrong. It’s not even “guilt” per se; it’s just such a part of me.

That said, I wasn’t going to let 3 solid days of rain stop me from running. Even my running friends thought I was crazy for going out, but it was 58 degrees; it was not cold. I love a good rainy run, more in the summer, but I’ll do them all year. There’s just something magical about it. Everything looks different with puddles all over and the street lights reflecting off the road. I don’t use headphones when it rains. I like to listen to the sound of the rain falling and my footsteps on the road. I take in the feel of every raindrop as it hits my skin. Even the cold gush of water flowing into my shoe isn’t so bad. It’s really a zen experience, and I look forward to days I can get lost in that.

Ghost Town Run

I really had no interest in getting up early to run today, but I told myself I should do at least 20 minutes. I was tired and a little bit sore from a weekend of bike riding and I just wanted to rest before work in the afternoon. Like every time I feel like I don’t want to run, I was glad I went. I got one of my best paces and I was able to fall into that zen state of mind during those 20 minutes. I ran the whole way through, which had been a while since the summer heat and humidity was brutal here. I had been doing run/walk intervals the last few months, so it was nice to know that I didn’t lose as much conditioning as I thought. These cooler mornings are agreeing with me.

Today being a holiday, it was so quiet on my run that it felt like a ghost town. Usually the main road through downtown has quite a lot of traffic, but I didn’t see many cars at all. It was so quiet that I stepped into the street to snap a photo of the emptiness and the feeble sunrise.

A Race for the Kids

This past weekend I did another 5k race. Unlike the one I did in July, this was a small scale race, but every bit as fun, and honestly even more so! There’s a local organization that started doing races last year, and they’ve just gotten better with time. If you remember me writing about the running group I joined last summer, the person who organized that group organizes the 5ks. What I love about the small races is that they’re so much more intimate (60-ish runners vs the large ones in the area that can have thousands). A lot of the people who came out for last weekend’s race are people I’ve met in running group or at other races hosted by the group. You can chat and really get to know the people who come. It’s nice doing a race with a lot of familiar faces, and some new ones mixed in.

I arrived at the race an hour before check-in started. I had asked the organizer if he needed any extra help and he told me I could swing by early to help with any last minute things that needed to be finished. Everything was done when I came, so I chatted a little and waited for the check-in process to start. As runners started to arrive, I directed them to fill out their event waivers and showed them the registration table where they could pick their packets up. It was a small job, but I enjoy being able to greet everyone as they arrive. I did the same thing at a previous race last October and really had fun with it, so I was happy to do it.

Of course, it wouldn’t be an event for me if some weird sort of mishap didn’t occur. I wear glasses because I can’t stand contacts, and one of the lenses fell right out of the frames! I was worried I would have to go home and get my spare pair, but the screw had just come loose. It was still in the frames, luckily, and between a small safety pin and my thumb nail, I was able to get the lens back in and tighten the frame. I’ve since put an eyeglass repair kit in my bag so I don’t have to worry about it again.

Eventually my running buddies arrived and I chatted with them as I continued to direct the new arrivals. I did this race with two of the girls I meet semi-regularly at the park and one who used to train with me before she moved (it was her very first race). I always feel a little anxious before a race, even though I don’t really have a reason to, so it’s nice to have people there I can talk to. What made our group even more fun was the fact that we wore tutus for this race. I was a little self-conscious at first, even though I was really looking forward to wearing my tutu, but everyone loved it! I got so many compliments! I kind of want to run every race with extra flair like that now!

Since one of my friends was still near the beginning of her training program, I told her I would do whatever she was able to do and that we would finish together. She was doing 3 minute run/ 3 minute walk intervals, so that was what we planned to do at the race. I say planned because by the halfway point, I was done. I was so exhausted, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and we walked a lot of the last half. We ran again at the end, but I feel like I held her back. She would easily have finished ahead of me, but she kept my pace. I have never finished a 5k slower than I did last week. It was 13 minutes slower than my best. I didn’t understand why it was so hard in that moment, but a few hours later, I ended up having a full blown asthma attack, which hasn’t happened to me in quite some time. I guess me feeling so exhausted so early at the race was the early warning sign, even though I didn’t have chest tightness or anything earlier in the day.

The race was held at a local zoo, which is very small because it’s a small town, but there’s more to see than you would think. The first almost mile of the race looped through the zoo before taking us down the street to the park, and then the course looped back and we finished just inside the zoo entrance. The zoo usually closes at 5pm, but for this race, they stayed open until 7:30. There was a local charity group that does kids characters from movies there doing performances, so we heard songs from Frozen and Moana. Batman was there too, but he didn’t do any singing. There was a grilled cheese food truck inside where we could grab some dinner after we ran. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t anything super delicious either. They did have a lot of different options, and I ended up trying a grilled cheese with pesto and tomato. I think I would have liked it more if the bread was all the way crispy and not just the outside. Two of my running friends left after they ate, but my other friend and I stayed the entire time the zoo was open and slowly walked around visiting all the animals. It was a beautiful evening, only about 79 degrees and a bit of a breeze—much better than the 90+ degree days we had earlier that week.

What makes this race so special to me is a couple of different things. First, it’s turning into an annual race that benefits a local children’s hospital (this was the second annual race), so being able to go and have such a fun time while supporting a great cause is a double positive. I know three different families who have had their kids treated at that hospital, and I had been there a few times as a kid myself. The other reason this race was special to me was because it was my first ever race last year, and the fact that it is now turning into something that will be held every year makes it feel like a milestone I will achieve each year I can run it. I wrote about it forever ago, but it was actually my primary care doctor that told me about this race last year and asked me if I’d be interested. He told me it was a way to help raise awareness for the hospital because his daughter gets treated there. He wrote a very touching book about some of his family’s experiences, and I feel like after reading that, the very least I could do is to sign up for this run every year. He was there again this year with a cape with his daughter’s picture on it, which I thought was amazing.

My next race is in October, and it’s Halloween themed, so I’m trying to figure out a costume to put together. Right now I want to do something related to Legend of Zelda, which is my favorite game series. I don’t know if it will really end up being a full-out costume or if it will be more like a shirt with the Hylian crest and a tutu. I can kind of sew, but I honestly don’t know if I want to go through all that trouble to make a custom-made costume. I used to cosplay a bit at anime conventions, but I only have about 6 weeks to put something together. The weather will also be a little unpredictable. Sometimes it’s warmer here in the beginning of October, and sometimes it’s not. I want something that can be versatile for the conditions. That’s why more of a tribute to Zelda rather than an actual character would be easier. I have some ideas in mind of a sort of cross between Link’s classic green tunic outfit and Linkle’s cloak, so stay tuned!

First 5k of 2021!

Hey all! I’m a little late in posting this, but I ran my first official race of the year last week! It was an evening race and we started at 7:45pm, but afterward we had free dinner and drinks and a concert to enjoy. I definitely earned that burger and a Coke! It felt so hard running that race, which was a big disappointment after getting a new personal best time the week before that was 9 minutes faster than race day. It was very hot and humid, though, so I’m not being too hard on myself. I took a week off running after the race because I was a little sore, but I’ll return back to running tomorrow. I have another 5k next month that benefits a children’s hospital and will be held after hours at the zoo. I’m looking forward to having a running buddy for the duration of the race. One of my friends is making that one her first 5k, and while she won’t be able to run the whole thing, I promised I’d keep pace with her and cheer her on. It will be nice to have the company on a race. My other running friends are more advanced and run 4 minutes per mile faster than me, so needless to say I can’t keep up. I still love them though! They waited for me at the finish line at every race I’ve done. I couldn’t ask for more support!