I woke up in the dark, feeling wide awake. Knowing I had a race in a few hours made it impossible for me to sleep any longer, even though I had only slept five and a half hours. I could already feel the nerves kicking in as I got out of bed and changed into the clothes I had laid out the night before. I had my usual breakfast of overnight oats made with milk and chia seeds, and began doing some stretching. I had only run twice in the week leading up to the race in an attempt to keep some of my hip flexor tendinitis at bay, and it kind of helped. That said, I was still feeling pain and my hip was stiff. I got it loosened up the best I could while listening to some music to psych me up for the event. Finally it was time to leave. I donned my jacket, quickly ate a banana, and walked out the door.

The weather that day was less than ideal. I had been expecting 40 degrees and rain, according to the forecast I checked before I went to bed, but instead it decided to be a few degrees cooler and snow. I very carefully made the drive to the orchard where the race was being held. The roads were slushy and I knew during the drive that this run was going to be challenging. I was surprised just how much snow was sticking since it had just been unseasonably warm two days prior. I pulled into the parking lot and, as luck would have it, I opened the car door and stepped into a puddle. I could already feel cold water in my shoe, a feeling I’d need to get used to anyway in those conditions, so I didn’t worry too much about it. Luckily there was a tent set up for registration, so I stood under there to keep dry and talked to a few people while we waited for the race to start.

Finally it was 9:55 and time to make my way to the starting line. I felt ready. I had been able to consistently run 2 miles in the 2 weeks leading up to the race, so I was feeling confident that I cold run most, if not maybe all, of this race, especially since most of it was on the road. The race organizer counted us down and yelled “Go!”, and I took off. The first few minutes were in the orchard itself on a gravel access road, but it was snow covered and had potholes, so it was a little hard to navigate and I could already feel pain from the uneven terrain. I just kept telling myself that I just had to make it to the road and I’d do better. I’m used to running on the road and I have less pain doing that.

Unfortunately, it just didn’t turn out to be my day. I was hurting even running on the road, and the cold air was making my asthma flare up and I could feel my lungs burn as my feet pounded the slushy road and snow swirled all around me. I ended up slowing to a walk for a few minutes before I ran again, and I spent the whole race alternating back and forth between the two. I tried my best to clear my head and not feel discouraged when everyone else passed me. I was freezing, my feet were going numb, but no way was I going to turn around and go back. I slowly made my way back to the orchard. Partway down the completely snow-covered access road, two runners who had already finished and who I hadn’t met before were making their way toward me. They asked if they could run back with me and I told them that was fine. I appreciated the company and they distracted me on the way back. As I made the final turn to the finish line, half a dozen people were still out there cheering me on while I approached. I was so grateful to have all that support. The fact that they stood out in the freezing cold, wet weather and waited for me meant the world. Most of them finished at least 15-20 minutes before I did. I grabbed my medal and we all went inside to get hot cider and victory donuts. We chatted a while and celebrated finishing the race. Most of the group was new to running this year, so I was in great company.

I wish I had done better, but I’m still not able to shine in races. I get so discouraged seeing everyone go out in front of me. Even though I expected it before the race even started, I guess in the end I wasn’t able to overcome that feeling. I didn’t want to race to beat anyone. My only goal was to do better than I did in my first race, and sadly I didn’t meet that goal. I was a few minutes slower. I know there were factors out of my control, but I had been expecting to do so much better. I’m still glad I showed up because one day I’ll learn how to do as good in races as I do in training. It was only my second race, so i have a long way to go.